Guilty Pleasures In A Pretty Package

Have you ever loved a television show that you shouldn’t? I’m talking about the kind of program you watch when the house is empty and you don’t mention to anyone. Except maybe your husband because he caught you shoveling ice cream straight out of the pint container while you were in the fetal position on the couch. And then he makes fun of you for crying over teenage vampire drama and makes barf faces when it’s on and he’s in the same room. Not that I have personal experience with the phenomenon.

It's happening!

It will surprise you to find out that I have a few secret television shows. Some of them are sappy, some are inspirational, and then there is The Vampire Diaries. It started out innocently enough. I was home sick, flipping through the Most Popular section of Netflix when an image popped up with an attractive cast and the word “vampire.” I was a little worried that I would grow bored with the high school drama. Then I was worried that I would grow bored with the brooding and the whining. Those worries died a painless death when a dreamy, strong-jawed hunk uttered the words, “Hello, brother.”

Hellooooo, nurse.

Damon Salvatore wasn’t just a pretty face. He was a vicious psychopath who would kill on a whim with a snappy one-liner. In the middle of all that high school nonsense there was an honest to God vampire and no one was safe. If Damon was in a bad mood, even the family members of the woman he was obviously crushing on weren’t off limits. Necks were snapped, hearts were ripped out, and throats were torn out accompanied by a sexy, lop-sided smile. He offset the droning whine produced by Stelena.

“Embrace your humanity!”

“No.” *sound of heart being dropped on the floor*

Spoilers Ahead! You’ll notice my love for this show was stated in the past tense. The downhill slide started when Damon hooked up with Elena. It was okay for a while because he would slip up and be vengeful. Plus the world got to watch Damon roll around half naked on a semi-regular basis. Unfortunately things got worse. Much worse.

There were many events that led to my enthusiasm draining like the slow leak of a tire, but there were four factors that killed it for me.

1. The unexplained and spontaneous cure for the vampire virus. I was on the edge of my seat cheering. Damon had a free ticket to eat BOTH Stefan and Elena. You could have used this to turn it around, guys!

2. Jeremy stopped dying. It was kind of fun to watch the little bugger come back to life. And he's hot, so more camera time is better, even if it's dead camera time.

3. The loss of an interesting antagonist. I kept picturing Oprah saying “You get a doppelganger, and you get a doppelganger, and you get a doppelganger!!”

4. The loss of Petrova. She was Elena only way better.

At this point I’m ready for them to roll in the Death Star and just blow up the planet. I should have given it up a while ago, but I can’t commit to turning my back altogether. Unlike True Blood and Dexter - they were dead to me before they officially ended. The most surprising thing to me about my fixation: when I finally let it slip that I watched the show, all but one woman at work admitted to watching it and loving it.

Do you have a show you hate to love? Has it pushed you too far or are you still loving it?